Retribution

 

Sometimes I wonder how anything can get so tangled up as my life. It is partly my own doing because I am determined and persistent, and the rest of the world around me is not; it keeps slogging ahead in its own pace regardless of what needs to happen.

It is strange to see how tangled up the world is, as if caught in a fishing net up to the knees, and no matter how fast they move, they can't escape the net, and the result is weariness , frustration and sometimes despair.

I have slept on the bed I have now, for twenty years, by my calculation. I was my mother's live-in caregiver for three years before she died. One day part of my bed came disconnected, and I thought I might be able to tie things together, but mom decided to buy a brand new bed and would not be dissuaded. The people came and delivered the new bed. unboxed and assembled it for free, and took away the old bed, though I don't know if they charged her for that.

Fast forward to now; I looked online at Amazon.com and found a bed that looked like it might serve my need. It has a simple metal frame and metal slats and wheels beneath, with a mattress. Delivery was free, and I will have to assemble it, but the company that runs the apartment complex charges for removing the bed, the frame and the box springs. That might not be so bad, but the new bed cost $54, and the removal will cost me $105. I tried to cancel the order, but since it was to be delivered today, it was not possible to cancel the order. I will have to wait until the delivery person arrives with the new bed so I can talk to him (IF I can talk to him; he might not bring the bed up to my apartment  but might leave it in the package area off the lobby).

It seems the solution I need is to return the new bed, then I don't need to pay for the removal of the old bed. But that ignores the fact that my back has been demanding a change for some time now, and often the result has been a muscle spasm that was so ferocious that I could not stand up straight for several days.

Besides that, I fail to see how the managers of this place think it is fair to charge so much to remove  an old bed. The elderly people who live here are at their mercy and the mercy of anybody else that is looking for victims to victimize. To me, they are fellow residents and friends. 

On the other hand, there was one manager who is no longer here, who thought it was funny when one resident, called "Dottie", who gets around on an electric wheelchair, ran afoul of the door somehow, and cut herself seriously. She had managed to get into the "Bistro", a little cafe the runs a catering service on the side, and left an alarming trail of blood to the point where she ended up stopping and was bleeding profusely. That manager came by and was laughing at Dottie. I was appalled; I called 911, and several other people did so as well, but the manager was not concerned.

Dottie scoots around pretty fast in her electric wheel chair and didn't clear the door very well. She required surgery to repair her injury but made a full recovery. The manager is no longer here and I hope she one day discovers for her self, how it feels to have had a accident and been injured as seriously as Dottie and to sit in the wheel chair passed out from loss of blood.

It is strange to contemplate the way managers of businesses will nickle and dime people for trivial things; the light went out in my bathroom and I reported the fact to maintenance who came by and replace the bulb, a special fluorescent thing. Next day, it died as well. It seems the maintenance buy got a used bulb from elsewhere to replace the light rather than getting a new one, and then I was charged money for the "new" bulb that was not new in the first place. I reported it to management and was reimbursed, but it was pretty puny in my estimation that they thought charging for bulbs was a bright thing to do in the first place since the bulb is part of the apartment and not my property to dispose as I please; it is policy that residents do not replace bulbs or repair other infrastructure, so why should they pay for a new light bulb in the first place?

We are in a time in which victimizing helpless people is the order of the day. Besides incurring the wrath of God, they do not consider that taking advantage of people causes victims to become angry and retaliate when an opportunity arises. 

Some of those victims, instead of retaliating, raise up prayers in defense of the helpless, because they see Christ in the helplessness. Nailed to a cross, scourged nearly to death, and crowned with thorns, Jesus took on all helplessness, victimhood and despair and put it to death for good, for all time, for all people, so that He may shine forth in great glory, His love for all people.

Those who are the opposite, are in a precarious situation, because God sees, and acts in due course to restore what He created because He created it out of His own limitless, divine love. 

It is a terrifying thing to be in the hands of the Living God, so be warned; cease wrongdoing and sin, because they bring retribution.

Confession

He knew people's hearts
and knew where they were
in Christ. 

Padre Pio's stigmata are an outward manifestation of the spiritual life of a man found suitable for Christ to impart life and suffering - His life and His suffering, and I can tell you, that if you desire to be anything consequential in the spiritual realm, there are parameters that must define your life and being, for the man into whom Christ imparted His wounds in a visible, painful and humiliatingly obvious way was  making him one with His Spirit and His Body in a consequnetial union of Body and Spiirt.

A writer who dedicated himself to presenting Padre Pio spoke of the stigmata as something he wore like a coat, yet it was more; as I said, he was united to Christ. On Golgotha, where He was nailed to the cross, and where His side was lanced open in a brutal effort to kill him; if He were already dead, He certainly had been rendered incapable of returning, and if He were not already dead, then He had to embrace yet one more agony before it was enough, and was finished.

And yet, Padre Pio's life was testimony that it was not enough and could never be enough, except and only because Jesus extended Padre to be more than what ordinary human eyes could see.

It is said he could be in two different places simultaneously through "an extension of the personality" as Padre Pio once explained to someone who asked how he could be in two places at once. The simplest and most direct answer is because God wanted Padre Pio to be in two places at the same time, and we might wonder if he could be in different times as well.

If we try to form our soul into what He wants us to be, we may find ourselves confronted with our own weakness and inability to live up to the reality of what He desires.  

He must cause us to grow, and deepen our spirit to match His own being. 

The world and the depths of our own heart will challenge us to forsake our desires in order to thirst as Jesus thirsted. There were many times He said that He was thirsty or used our thirst in speaking allegories capable to illustrating His meaning to those around Him. Certainly He must have reached out to take the drink offered Him when those around found out He needed a drink. Certainly, y the end of the day, those who had heard Him also knew the depth of what He really meant, the unquenchable drought in the soul that longs well beyonf thirst for our selves and our lives, given in the most sacred love imaginable.

And yet, people yearn to participate in His cross all the time, but they do not participate in that manifestation He wills.

A few, like Padre Pio were spiritually and physically capable and disposed by love to desire nothing more than His love. One arrives at such a sublime moment by His sheer grace, and in an incomparable moment, suddenly find their soul and bdoy united to Christ and the wounds of His crucifixion, and so it comes to pass, that the conditions necessary for stigmatization are fulfilled, and from the wounds imparted, blood flows for as long as He wants, and until the souls for whom He longs to be united are indeed made one by an irresisitible impetus of wounds and bleeding and a disposition to be satsified only with Him, His love and His Will, crucified and made holy for our sake and to be spared rejection and eternal suffering resulting form sin.

Padre Pio scarcely thought nothing of the condition of His being, united to Christ and marked with shocking manifestations of the britality inflicted Jesus and His children.

Padre Pio particiapted in what Jesus was doing while He was alive - calling souls to Himself to be transformed to belong to Him forever configured in being and mind to be useful to Him in a saving act.

All of us are made useful to him; that is His gift to us in prayer. He wants to lift us up to Him matured and made more profound, so that whatever we might be engaged in expands us into greater potentialities.

There is no way to shrug off the "coat" we have worn; we wear our beign at His Will, and the conformity of our beings to His Will determines what He can do to us. The deeper our maturity the deeper we can enter in to Him on the cross. Some of us may suffer very little on that account and He knows it so that we accomplish more modest things. Some may suffer deep aridity and longing, to the point of being spiritually crucified, participating in that salvific thirst which penetrated the Father's Heart.

Blessed are all people who suffer and participate in His suffering in addition to their own. We owe them more than we are aware. I cannot help but wonder at this late hour of existence, if there will ever be another Padre Pio. Such men come in atraordianry times, to save countless souls who would otherwise be lost. They come to help us realize our responsibility, because he cannot save everyone he might want to because so many foolishly dismiss him and the Lord He served.

Those who enter into His passion are aware of His deepest longings because our participation contains the reason why made plainly painful beyond the ordinary.

In my humanity, I am capable of desiring many things, and of seeing much fulfilled because I look for any sign of Him. Little wonder then, that, in my own selfishness, I somehow thought it possible that the Lord could let my hands and feet and side bleed, but at that time, I was unaware how silly it might be considering the person I was then. Perhaps out of my embrassment I might be saved by being closer to Him and to His will so that I have become equipped to do things I could scarcely imagine. The stigmara of St. Padre Pio happened in time at a certain point; certainly I am closer to my own point of configuration in which His wish and my own might be fuffilled to His joy and mine when I can respond in an ordinary way with tears and hope to being closer to Him for a moment before the hdarkness descends again. Without the sublime uplifting of my soul, I can respond to the cries of the forgotten and forsaken who in despair and agony stand a chance of being lifted up to His presence to be with Him forever. Padre Pio was filled with deep joy and love that was constant and unwavering, and which were the unction Christ imparts to those He makes worthy as He made Padre Pio worthy and makes all of US WORTHY. May we bless His Name when that worthiness becomes union with Him, on the cross or otherwise.

Remember

Tranquility.

I'm sure God is aware of my  pain as much as I am; it is such a common circumstance that I forget to make my offering, but then, it is part of aging. The young have no conception of little pains being so pervasive and all encompassing. In any case, I can mention it because it is not that intense, and you brace yourself for the next wave when you try to stand up to go do something. Other than mentioning it, and chiding myself for not making a conscious offering,  it blends into the continuum of awareness.

Then there are the times when I have to turn down a friend; not because I couldn't do it, but because I am not disposed to acquiesce. There is someone else available to water his plants in his absence, and I was not that happy the last time I did it and he complained that one of the plants died because i did not give it  enough water.

He has a habit of ignoring people or taking them for granted, and this is my way of combatting that a little.
On the other hand, I have made a point of checking on him and offering treatment advice when he has been sick or indisposed because of a side effect of a new medication.

Even cats and dogs will correct misbehavior. 

There are others in the bright light of public life that I would love to correct, but they are insulated from the harsh realities of life and are never touched with the moments ordinary people encounter. I am sure that the Lord disappoints them as He does the rest of us. Too bad the evil they do so blithely can't be held against them. Time and circumstance  put things into perspective for all.

It was more than just a bad day when Jesus tortured and beaten with Roman scourges and crowned with thorns as a wry statement to the Jews, though I wonder if they caught the innuendo. Jesus was unmercifully tormented until the moment He died. He underwent that final moment and did not beg off.

Perhaps we can remember that when we see people around us. We do not know what they are feeling or just how deeply they are tried by sickness and suffering they can't even mention because it hurts too much and they are too weary with it all.

There are times I wish I could mention them to the Lord and be sure my friends the suffering  ones could be instantly freed of the pain and weariness, but that isn't how it works, and often times, in order to obtain a favor for a friend, a lot must be borne. If you are free of pain and weariness, do not forget those who are not. Those who will take the time to remember are the ones who comfort Christ on His journey up Golgotha's hill.

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You might ask what penance I do. Modified fasting is the one thing I can do on my own that is truly penitential. I take medication for diabetes that curbs the appetite, but still, does not take it away altogether, and if I get too carried away fasting, I suffer the consequences. 

Not so  much in my control is sleep. Typically I go to bed around 5pm unless I am not feeling really sleepy. I may then wake up around midnite. Some nights i get up then, and other times just get up because I can't sleep. It is difficult doing without sleep. Then reading come to mind and after a while go to bed again.

Either way, I am in God's hands to control.

Energy

 

Earthly energy is surpassed by spirtual joy and love.

Time must end at some point, and we know the end will be horrific. While there is time we should prepare, and part of the preparation must be prayer to praise God and ask for mercy and forgive our sins.

I don't know which is more significant, that He yearns for our requests, or that people refuse to believe in Him or that all things are meant to come to an end - so that something eternally new can arise which involves us, rising to meet the Lord and enter into that which He has been preparing.

It is possible that we have been living in a human-friendly time, and that the old benign regime of climate is ceasing. Speculate all you want, but the truth is, things will take place over which we have no control, and from the looks of it, we might not survive. We know that God's mercy is abroad in the world, and those who grasp the supernaturality of existence no longer concern themselves over special epochs or favorable if astounding events. It won't matter to anyone absorbed in the immersion of our being into Christ. Why worry about bleeding and weeping statues when Jesus and His Mother reach out so fervently to us to embrace and love them as He is enabling us now?

Why would they insist so stenuously that we try to grow spiritually to be able to perceive them in our ordinary mortal existence? It can only be because they love us, and that loving them in return is more important than anything else.

We shhoudl not live for consolations, but neither should we turn our back on them if they are the agent of our maturation? Certainly chastising cataclsysms do not matter more? 

When Ezekiel did what he was told and entered a cave to watch the world convulse, he knew God was not in the upset and tumult, but recognised Him in a tiny whisper. The wind had blown so bad the rocks werre broken by it. Yet the wind was not what was important, the whisper was.

Is the Lord reaching out to you, straining to touch you, and speaking comforts and love to you? Perhaps you  do not know because you did not listen hard enough and did not grow so that you might be capable. Nevermind, for He is able to appear to you and to reach out and touch you so you are changed.

God knows what you need, which is why He provides what you need. Where is the gratitude? Gratitude more than anything else attracts the Lord, and if He sees you are willing and paying attention to a certain extent, you may come to know Him in His presence in your prayers, and the joy that inexplicably overflows from deep within you to confer the certainty you need.

If you entered a monastery and applied yourself to your utmost, it would be worth it to live through the final  moment of existane, buoyed up by joy and His embrace carrying you heaven to be with Him. yet do not give up anticipating that He could visit you palpably at some point and in some moment when He is particulalry near. They have been touched by God who go out of their way to be kind to others when all around you cruelty and violent hatred reign. That the  joy and kindness are present because of  you will make His Heart swell with love.

Retibution

How beautiful the feet of those who come in
the Name of the Lord.

 It may be tempting to see continual floods in China as some sort of condemnation, we must all remember that we are all sinners, guilty of trepasses we are not shocked at. We might also keep in mind that He is merciful and metes out only what we can stand, and evidently China can stand a lot; it has been enduring what has floored many others, including ourselves.

Last night we had strong thunderstorms until about midnight, and near continuous lightening and thunder as the storm roared through; all in all, exciting, but then we suffered no damages. The rain was good too; it has been so dry that the moisture will do wonders for our environment.

By the same token, we may not be guilty of what we think we are, and though the enemy is fondof pointing out our sins, they aare not so grivous as we may think, so that we should never run away from the Lord because of our sins. He took more than our stripes on Himself when He was condemned unjustly and crucified for his crimes agains Rome and the Jews. On a stormy day in spring He laid down on the cross so the Romans could nail Him to it with two other people. They did their best to erase their humanity, but the death of Jesus laid open the gates of heaven for us, and we need the sight to see past lies, and accept the truth. We must be as ready to atone as we are to eat supper with Him in paradise.

If He offers  us to participate in His cros, will we be as ready as we should be? How grreat is His mercy in not giving us what we deserve. Out of that realization must spring love and a forgetfulness of self, since He already preceded us.

The storms are over, and in the midst of tumutl and threats let us listen to His whispering love in the Garden.

Force

The force of mere wind can move

boulders and bend us down.

 It pays to be humble, even though we may not appreciate humiliation at the time. I remember reading St. Teresa of Avils' complaint when she fell off a coach and into a mud puddle. Her remark was, "It is no wonder you have so few friends." referring to Jesus.

One benefit of humility is that we see things as they are, and not as deception might desire us to see things. We might think we have plumbed the depths of all ramifications of a point, when In fact, we don't see with the proper perspective. We might think we have everything in view, only to realize later that we saw only the tip of the iceberg, and are standing, in fact, in a most dangerous position.

One might think that having mystical experiences, we know it all, when in fact, we need to clean the mud off our faces in order to be able to even open our eyes. 

I get nervous around people who are so certain of things that delusion and error could never creep into their field of view.

Myriad souls have gone to hell, certain they had led a virtuous life, beyond any error. Bless the Lord for humiliations and trials because it is a great gift from God to see the truth so we might realize His mercy toward us and His great love. This entails realizing how we have been spared judgement and condemnation; surely from such encounters flows great love toward us if we
love Him for who He is.

If we have even grasped the teachings of the Church sufficiently to have grown into holiness, we honor Him who has labored do for us that He might save us.

For sin, there is punishment, because it offends the Lord who never sinned and wishes us to be the same.  We should avoid too grave a view of our position, but also have a view of His mercy emcouraging us to do better before we fall off the path.

We should seek to see things plainly and in proper perspective. Children of God can be in error, and might think they are thinking correctly as far as they can see. To be seeing things childishly can lead us to think immaturely when God is looking to find some growth. Hiding behind rigourous rules and regulations can kill us quickly by failing to clear our vision.

Humility grows out of love. and love transforms lagality into affection which is blinded by His light. Let us not think we have attained great heights and light, when in fact we are ignorant of our true position before God.

Nothings touches the soul like a clear view of how other people are. We could never bear the weight of the cross they carry, and we owe them our love and compassion. Citing rules by which we can deny other people their place in the estimation of others is deadly wrong. God is the great exception. He is capable of anything, and frequently reveals the truth to us so we may know for whom to pray, and for whom to suffer.

Hearts

 Day's Saints
John Berchmans, Jesuit
Anastasius, Monk, Martyr
Ez 2:8—3:4
The Lord GOD said to me:
As for you, son of man, obey me when I speak to you:
be not rebellious like this house of rebellion,
but open your mouth and eat what I shall give you.
It was then I saw a hand stretched out to me,
in which was a written scroll which he unrolled before me.
It was covered with writing front and back,
and written on it was:
Lamentation and wailing and woe!
He said to me: Son of man, eat what is before you;
eat this scroll, then go, speak to the house of Israel.
So I opened my mouth and he gave me the scroll to eat.
Son of man, he then said to me,
feed your belly and fill your stomach
with this scroll I am giving you.
I ate it, and it was as sweet as honey in my mouth.
He said: Son of man, go now to the house of Israel,
and speak my words to them.

Gospel Mt 18:1-5, 10, 12-14

The disciples approached Jesus and said,

“Who is the greatest in the Kingdom of heaven?”

He called a child over, placed it in their midst, and said,

“Amen, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children,

you will not enter the Kingdom of heaven.

Whoever becomes humble like this child

is the greatest in the Kingdom of heaven.

And whoever receives one child such as this in my name receives me.

“See that you do not despise one of these little ones,

for I say to you that their angels in heaven

always look upon the face of my heavenly Father.

What is your opinion?

If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them goes astray,

will he not leave the ninety-nine in the hills

and go in search of the stray?

And if he finds it, amen, I say to you, he rejoices more over it

than over the ninety-nine that did not stray.

In just the same way, it is not the will of your heavenly Father

that one of these little ones be lost.”

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Look, my heart appears before you;
be ready to comfort me.

I was despised, and in the process hurt a lot. The scroll indeed might have been heavenly sweet, but my rejection was bitter. I forgave, and there was enough fault to go around, but the very nature of the rejection made it impossible to forget. I have eaten of the sweetness of the Lord, and from time to time have shared in His passion, but it was not my place to ask to suffer for the souls He loved; I simply suffered, and it is the same today.

I can thank God I had a body in which to suffer, and with which to feel the pain He longed to feel in me, though my heart could hardly move; He made it possible, and I can give thanks that souls did not have to suffer for my fearfulness.

You might consider your reaction, seeing the terror of the painful cross and the flowing of so much blood, that the apostle John remarked about it, like a spring pent up within, burst forth fully when the lance released the treasure from His chest.

You who suffer without release, will not endure it longer than it takes to satisfy His Heart for so much abuse.  How anyone can thrust a sharp lance into a person's side without quivering at the sight of all the blood I will never know, but I know how angry I was on the day the Lord acted to grant what I could never have imagined. Nor did I see my recovery years afterward, nor was it accomplished without many prayers and explanations, lest I falter altogether, anguish throbbing in my chest without relief. But He did what was impossible for me, and He preserved me through the long slow journey of the lance into my heart. From time to time it hurts physically, and often I can scarcely move.

The day when all things are accomplished will be the day when souls are gathered into paradise to satisfy the desire of the Sacred Heart for all to be gathered into one within His Heart. That day will be the beginning of great joys for His Mother too, and She will accompany all blessed souls to their undending reward.

Comfort His Heart and the Heart of His Mother for all the sins of men which have become so great a burden to forgive. Many will suffer in terror so that those Hearts might be consoled. Blessed is he who comes to comfort them from the storehourse house grace within themselves.

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My recertification papers arrived by email this evening. I can live in my apartment for another year, and the rent only went up $8. I am one very happy camper, and I give thanks to those who prayed for me in this matter, and all the saints and angels I implored to intercede for me :)+